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14 Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: 15 of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words. 16 At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. 17 Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. 18 And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

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Why even ask?? I swear, why even ask what I’d like with my coffee, if you’re still going to give me the same wrong thing? Honestly, what’s the point? And it’s not like it’s the first time you’ve done it. You do it every time. The first two times, I called you on it, told you that I had asked for cream and Sweet & Low, but you had just given me sugar. Today, I just looked into my bag, sighed, and drove off thinking, well, that probably why you still work at a drive-through: complete inability to follow directions.

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For about a year, I had been fortunate to avoid the displeasure of air travel. Recently, a cross-country trip required that I fly Continental Airlines.

Part I: The security line.

I shouldn’t have bothered to wear a belt on my day of travel. I should have just stuffed it into my bag and pulled it out after I’d arrived at the hotel. And who did I think I was fooling with the belt, anyway? Did people really think that I needed one? I haven’t comfortably fit into my pants since I wore those diapers with that elastic waistband. And if you’ve ever wondered why many Texan men wear that big dinner-platter-sized belt buckle, it’s because that’s the only thing that can hold back that huge beer gut. Everything’s bigger in Texas!

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